Moving On

I have written about the process of moving on, of accepting whatever and wherever we may be. I have passed on same advices to my sisters abroad who still long to recapture the bliss of a once happy home or for what had been, and to friends who found it hard to let go. I have strongly urged them to move on. But the truth is, I still think of the home where my children grew up , not only once in a while, but almost always.

We left the house in Molave in a sudden when my husband had a stroke and there was no way for us to go back. He needed medical attention and physical therapy ever so often. I visited the house once a month, and everytime I did I felt an aching loneliness of a time gone by. That house brought love, tears, and laughter; the good old house. I missed the children in that house so much.

Feeling the soft breeze against my skin , and smelling the sweet scent of fruit trees and flowering plants upon entering the house often flood back memories and a sad feeling of loss. It was not easy to pretend the feeling did not exist, because it was always there. I engrossed myself in reading and writing in-between medical checkups so I won't have time left to brood.

Until one day, I was reading the book section of an old Reader's Digest, "Born in Paradise" and came upon a paragraph which changed my outlook and consoled my grieving heart.

"Life is a grand adventure even when it goes against you - so don't look back and grieve for the good old days. Jam all you can into each new one. After a bit you'll discover that they'll be the good old days of the future. In the meantime keep your chins up and the world will never lick you.

It's going to be an interesting experience to you to learn that it isn't life that matters. It's the spirit you put into it that counts. Happiness is a mental adjustment to whatever circumstances surround you."

It was the hammer that knocked out my reverie. The pain diminished , replaced with a clearer acceptance of our destiny. The old home had served its purpose. I started to look around and see what I can do in my new environment. I realized I have already made some friends with those I come in contact with, the hospital staff, the doctors, drugstore personnel, and my new neighbors. On the way, I renewed ties with old friends, relatives , and former classmates and they are glad to see me. I know that whatever circumstances will befall on us, life must go on.

The children have grown up; they have started to carve their own lives away from us, perhaps even better than what we had. They are better equipped with values from the old home. We have gained beautiful, lovable grandchildren. The paradise we enjoyed once can be flown to wherever our destinies are. We can make our lives fuller and richer than the ones behind us.
I breathed deeply and sighed. At last, I'm freed from the guilt of leaving home, freed from the ghost of yesterday.

I HAVE MOVED ON.