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Sunday, October 11, 2009

THE AFTERMATH

After all the ritual before and after the burial, I found myself suddenly free, relieved from the worries of caring for a sick partner for quite a long time. I do not have to rush home before 11; 00 am when I’m out because I gave him his meals personally. I was also freed from the headache of monitoring impertinent boy watchers.

But I’m not happy. I’ve been used to having him around that wherever I go, he’s there waiting for me, calling my name. Now that he’s gone, I feel so empty. Every little thought or event that connects to him bring tears to my eyes. I’ve lost a husband and a friend. If I had known his life was ending I could have savored all the precious time left of him with me. Why oh why, oh why….


He gave me five wonderful children, eight beloved grandchildren, and a soon to be-born great grandchild by our eldest grandson, Pepau. After my retirement from public service, we had two years of bliss before the stroke happened.

Even when he was sick, he taught me to be strong, to stand up for what I believed was right. My outlook in life was a mixture of my father’s serious principles and my husband’s practical nature. He did not leave me totally helpless. I learned to handle things through his guidance.


Still, I long for my old life with him. If only I had seriously given focus to his exercises, even if I had to pull him out of bed early. But no, what has passed is past.

Right now, I’m picking up the pieces of my life; trying to evade the dark waves of loneliness that smash against the rocks of my defenses. Until when? No one can tell.

TIME: Quote of the Day

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